"My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can."Cary Grant
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Copyright 2005 Mukee Okan
Sometimes overcoming premature ejaculation is a matter of learning effective relaxation techniques and bringing more awareness into your sexual experiences.
Interestingly, this idea contradicts a lot of prevailing wisdom around 'numbing' sexual sensations and distracting oneself from the experience.
I want to share a very simple exercise to increase what I call your "cock awareness".
The more you are present with all your feelings and sensations, the greater the level of your control and arousal and so the more intense your orgasms can become.
Remember orgasm and ejaculation are two separate physiological events for a man (and oh, just by the way, for a woman too!).
The final outcome is that you will develop more control, simply by increasing and refining your awareness, especially of your cock.
The focus and development of awareness is one of the gifts of Tantra.
The word Tantra is a Sanskrit word that means expansion of consciousness and liberation of energy. I'd need a whole other series of articles to begin to delve into that.
For now, I want you to focus on an exercise.
We are all in the chronic habit of holding ourselves away from our genitals, so try this!
THE EXERCISE:
Sitting or laying down, be comfortable.
Relax your breath, notice each breath moving through the nostrils. Then after a few minutes, drop your breath awareness to the navel.
Next drop awareness to the perineum, between the testicles and anus.
And then to the pelvic floor. Bring your awareness to your pelvic floor and relax everything.
Relax your buttocks and anus.
(The pelvic floor is the web of muscles across the base of the pelvis, attaching to the sitz bones, pubic bone and coccyx, forming the base of your torso)
The genitals are enmeshed in these muscles. Usually you are continually pulling up the pelvic floor unconsciously with your inner tension, cutting of sensation.
From this point on, every moment you remember, bring your awareness to the pelvic floor and RELAX EVERYTHING!
As you are sitting or laying down, feel with your awareness the full length of your cock as it extends from the deep core within and away from the body.
Feel the deep root, where it joins and emerges from your body.
Visualize your sacred cock, as a generator of love energy, a magic wand.
Imagine and feel a fire filling up and flooding of the pelvic area.
Feel the intensity of the most subtle sensations.
Relax into the genitals. Feel them from the inside out.
Relax. Be more rooted in the base of your penis.
Hold the entire penis in your awareness, not just the tip.
Ask yourself, "How can I open more?" Focus on how it feels, not where it is.
Notice how your sensitivity and arousal increase by feeling in a relaxed manner.
There is no outcome here, except to relax and feel more. That is the exercise, practice it often!
While it seems at odds with so much theory around distraction from, and numbing of, sexual pleasure, the basic principle of increasing awareness during sex is this;
Feel your body, sexuality and orgasms; and
Learn your body, sexuality and orgasms; then
Master your body, sexuality and orgasms!!!
In an upcoming article I will explore how the idea of sexual control and mastery is not about control at all ... but that would be getting ahead of myself. Until then enjoy yourself practicing.
Love, Mukee Okan
About the Author
Mukee Okan is a world renowned sexual therapist and spiritual guide. HER MISSION is to educate and inspire sexual freedom, so people can open and surrender to self-love and self-awareness and experience full presence and intimate connection. Visit http://www.erectilejaculation.com and sign up for Mukee's "Inspirational Sex Tips" bulletins.
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